The trouble with both.
This is a topic I'm seeing right now over, and over, and over again. Let me tell you, when someone's heart isn't being respected in their home, there isn't a thing in this world that they will experience that feels right, or feels true, or where they feel good enough. Call me progressive, but I believe when we say "I do", it really means, "I choose."
I choose to be a part of your challenges.
I choose to make an effort to see things for you from your perspective.
I choose to be a part of your journey however that takes form.
I choose to believe in the goodness you've shown me will continue.
I choose to give you the opportunity to right your wrongs.
I choose to help you when you fall; to be available and accessible when you need me (and even in all those times when you don't.)
I choose to be responsible about how I speak to you, and of you.
I choose to be a participant in your life and do my best to respect your growth, even if I don't understand it.
I choose to see this as a partnership, an honorable agreement between two who decide to try to learn all the hard stuff together.
And, I choose to retain the right to retract this agreement should you ever decide to stop choosing us and stop choosing me.